


My Relationship with Darkness Grew; You Made Me Acquainted With Light

by Su1010



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bright - Freeform, Darkness, Fluff, M/M, Moon, Pain, happyending, light - Freeform, more angst and pain, sun - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27382192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Su1010/pseuds/Su1010
Summary: Kageyama Tobio always felt inferior next to Hinata Shoyo.  But the light could never shine without the darkness and neither can the moon breathe without the sun.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 26
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	My Relationship with Darkness Grew; You Made Me Acquainted With Light

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to D4! Banged this out instead of doing my assignments cos I live, breathe and would DIE for angst. Kagehina have always been one of my favorite pairings and I couldn't bear to put those babies through so much pain so it's a happy ending hehe. Also because HQ twitter has been filled with wholesome headcanon ideas which live in my mind RENT-FREE. Enjoy D4 because tmr is Hanahaki and I promise it's gonna hurt, hehe.

Kageyama’s scream of frustration echoed around the gymnasium as yet another ball fell short of hitting the bottle. His shirt was drenched with sweat when he lifted the collar to wipe his face with the flimsy fabric. 

“Fuck,” he cursed, grabbing the water bottle Yachi handed to him and gulping down the water angrily, swiping at his mouth to get rid of any remaining droplets that may have been lingering on the corner of his lips.

This wasn’t going well. They were at summer training camp and Hinata who normally practiced with him, had abandoned him to go train with Kuroo from Nekoma and Bokuto as well as Akaashi from Fukurodani. Tsukishima surprisingly had been the one to initiate the crossover training session, accepting Kuroo and Bokuto’s offer to block for them. Hinata had tagged along and somehow got caught up in the exhilaration of training with one of Japan’s top spikers. 

Kageyama hated to admit it; but the court felt empty and silent without Hinata around – his usual nickname of _Bakageyama_ absent, a strange hollowness that resided in the deepest crevices of his ribcage, only stirring when Hinata was around. 

The boy reminded him of the sun; that exuberant energy in every move he executed, in every step he took. That orange hair of his was a physical reminder of how they were complete opposites of each other and how Kageyama was supposed to shine alongside Hinata. But how could you shine beside a golden ray that blinded your eyes every time you gazed upon it? 

_How could you love something that hurt you so much?_

“Kageyama-kun,” Yachi called out softly and Kageyama turned to see her staring at him with a sad smile playing on her lips. “You do realise it’s okay to take a break?”

_A break?_

Kageyama couldn’t remember when was the last time he had taken a break, always dedicating his time towards volleyball training. Back in Kitagawa Daichii, he had always been compared to Oikawa who had been his senior and a better setter than him in every aspect. 

There was a match where Oikawa had been subbed out and Kageyama had taken his place. Kageyama had shined bright in his senior’s position, setting every ball perfectly for the spiker to smash it over the net. After the match ended, everyone complimented him and for the first time in his life, Kageyama felt as though his efforts had paid off; that people were acknowledging his talent. But when he approached Oikawa for advice during practice the next day, the senior had lost his temper and almost hit Kageyama; until Iwaizumi rushed in and stopped his best friend in time by punching him in the face.

At the time, Kageyama simply didn’t understand why his senior was so mad at him considering they were on the same team. But looking back on it, he realised it must have been Hell for Oikawa to compete with a younger, better player who had raw talent. Oikawa had been practicing ever since Kageyama could remember, serving balls back and forth across the net every morning before class and every evening during practice sessions. To train that hard with such determination and dedication; yet still lose out to a younger protégé just because he was more promising and showed his prowess in one match; Kageyama honestly couldn’t blame Oikawa for reacting the way he did.

Three years later; this was exactly how Kageyama felt playing alongside Hinata. The younger boy who had started out as a feeble crow - desperately needing to be fed because of his lack of abilities; was now growing hungrier during every single match, executing new moves and asking seniors for guidance.

There was nothing wrong with evolution; in fact it was necessary to ensure the survival of the species, especially against predators. But Kageyama was starting to fall behind and was desperate for growth, trying to live up to his title of “genius setter” that everyone had bestowed upon him. 

“Again,” he told Yachi, putting his bottle aside. “A few more then we’re done for today.”

Yachi nodded and threw one to him, wincing when he missed again and cursed like usual. 

The sound of the gymnasium door creaking found Kageyama losing his focus and missing the ball yet again, his shout of anger hanging briefly in the air before disappearing. He turned to see Hinata standing there with an arched eyebrow, head tilted to an angle that Kageyama found strangely endearing because of the way it made Hinata look more like a child than he already was. 

“Kageyama,” Hinata greeted excitedly, bounding over to the raven-haired boy who scowled and backed away, the anger and resentment stored in him finally reaching its limit. It felt as though there were jolts of electricity going through his veins; the low hum of rage slowly raising its ugly head in retaliation.

“I learned this cool trick from Bokuto-san and –“

That was the final straw for Kageyama who immediately threw the ball aside and strode over to grab Hinata by the collar of his shirt. 

“You’re supposed to work with me on our quick attacks!” he yelled, Hinata’s excited expression fading away into one of confusion and Kageyama ignored the pang of guilt that was tugging at his heartstrings upon seeing the hurt reflected in Hinata’s eyes.

“I did!” Hinata retorted, struggling to get Kageyama to release his tight grip on his shirt. “You were the one who wanted to practice alone!”

“Because you keep running off to join Fukurodani and Nekoma! Yes, I wanted to practice alone; **BUT I ALSO DIDN’T ASK YOU TO LEAVE,**.”

He released Hinata who stood up quickly, regaining his stature and staring angrily at Kageyama. “I wanted to work on my own skills!”

“But you’re still a part of this team!”

Daichi came running in with Sugawara and Tanaka trailing behind, separating the both of them.

“Enough!” Daichi chided them, voice raised. “You’re done for today.”

“I’m sorry,” Yachi apologised, tears brimming at the corner of her eyes. “They started shouting and –“

“I’m sorry,” Kageyama interrupted as five pairs of eyes turned to fixate their gazes on him and he averted his gaze to Hinata, black eyes meeting hazel ones which he no longer recognised. In the spur of the moment, Kageyama blurted out the sentence in rage.

“I wish I’d never met you. That match, your school against Kitagawa Daiichi. When your golden rays blinded me for the first time; I wish I had turned away. I wish I had been accepted to Aoba Johsai because in Karasuno, with you around, it’s getting _harder_ , and _harder_ to breathe. I feel like I’m suffocating under your radiance and I’m tired of having to shine twice as bright because it feels as though any time I’m going to burn out.”

The silence was deafening and everyone ceased to speak, the weight of Kageyama’s words sinking in, making their home in the tangled mess that was Hinata Shoyo’s ribcage where his heart nestled comfortably, began to beat slowly, and slower, and slower, until he could breathe no more and pushed his way past the seniors, heading outside. Tanaka chased after him with Nishinoya who had come down at some point after hearing the fuss.

“Kageyama,” Daichi called after the younger boy who was going to head outside and shook his head. “Let him calm down, give him time.”

Time ebbed away into night and Kageyama found himself tossing and turning in bed, eventually getting up to see Hinata’s bed empty. The tangerine-haired boy had come back to the gym with Tanaka and Noya but Kageyama had since made his way back to the hostel with Sugawara who had tried his best to reassure Kageyama everything would be alright; but to no avail.

Guilt was a wonderful, spectacular thing. It laid heavy on the soul until your breathing slowed down and you stopped being alive altogether. Like a phantom wandering the hallways of a haunted house – it would continue to exist within the deepest crevices and come out during the most unfortunate of times. For Kageyama, it was now when he stepped out of the room and saw Hinata sitting on the ledge of the window.

His feet worked faster than his mind and he immediately ran over, grabbing Hinata’s hand and pulling him down from the ledge.

“What the fuck were you doing?” he questioned sharply, turning Hinata’s arm over to ensure there weren’t any cut or bruises from the sharp edges of the glass.

Hinata pulled his hand away but there was barely any energy when he did so. “What do you care?” he questioned Kageyama and Kageyama saw the sadness within those hazel eyes. “You don’t want me around anymore.”

“Wait,” Kageyama held up his hand but Hinata shook his head and continued talking. 

“All my life, all I ever wanted to do was play volleyball. I didn’t care that I was at least a head shorter than everyone on the team. When I first played against your team at Kitagawa Daiichi, I saw the determination on your face and how you treated your teammates. Yes, I know you were called the Dictator King for a reason. But after you transferred to Karasuno, I couldn’t fathom how people called you that.”

Hinata smiled just then but it was so, so broken that Kageyama almost cried out from the pain he was hiding underneath that façade. “I’m sorry, if I ever made you feel less than enough, Kageyama. I’ll try not to shine so bright anymore.”

Kageyama’s resolve crumbled into ashes around him and he tugged Hinata forward, wrapping the smaller boy in an embrace. 

“Don’t,” he whispered, his tears falling slowly and staining Hinata’s shirt. “Don’t dim your light for me.”

Hinata pulled away and looked at Kageyama with those same confused eyes that Kageyama had grown accustomed to. “I thought you were tired of me overshadowing you?”

Kageyama shook his head. “I was wrong. I realised that without your light around; I probably wouldn’t even shine in the first place, let alone shine even brighter. Hinata you bring out the best in people, you bring out the best in _me_. Yes, sometimes it’s hard to accept you receive praises and compliments more and you improve quickly. But at the end of the day, you’re still my partner.”

Hinata’s tears started streaking down his cheeks as he cried into Kageyama’s jersey, muffled sobs escaping him as Kageyama stroked his hair gently. 

“That’s what hurt me the most,” Hinata confessed. “You weren’t the first friend I had; but you were a partner. Hearing you say you were tired of me felt as though a piece of my heart had shattered in two.'

Kageyama felt his own heart beat harder within his chest as he tilted Hinata’s head up and looked at him under the glow of the pale moonlight that was streaming through the window, caressing his cheek softly. 

“Please,” he begged Hinata. “Forget whatever I said earlier. Don’t you dare abandon your blessing of light for my darkness.”

Hinata smiled and leaned forward, touching his forehead to Kageyama’s. Two boys in a world of darkness and light. There was no light without darkness neither darkness without light. At that moment, Kageyama realised how it felt to fly to close to the sun like Icarus had and fall into the sea – meeting his untimely demise.

But why was it when Kageyama was close to Hinata, he felt more alive?

Lips met lips under the smattering of constellations littering the midnight sky during the witching hour and it was at this moment that they both realised – light shrouded in darkness still shone and darkness illuminated by light still existed. It wasn’t impossible; it was just hard, but they were willing to make it work.

_Tell me the story about how the Sun loved the Moon so much he died every night to let him breathe. Tell me how the Moon loved the sun back he died every morning to let him breathe._

_Tell me the story of two boys – one made of light; one living in the dark. Tell me how they finally realised that they needed each other to see the beauty in the world they shared._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> Come follow me on Twitter! @chakraverty1010


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